F0RUM JESuS wrote:

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DOLEY

Dear Tommy, I emailed you but I havent heard nothin
I left my cell, my home phone, and my positions at JOG on the bottom
I left fifteen comments back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem with MYSPACE or somethin
Sometimes I lick your picture when I google em
but anyways; screw it, what's up? Hows bowlin?
I get really excited on Sundays when I see you on
If I got a ball deal, Id go with Ebonite too
I have a Black Ice, The One, & a V2
I really like your commercial when youre in the shower
Sometimes I wish that I was that water.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even use the same shampoo as you do in that commercial man
I got a room full of your photographs that I cut out of magazines
I have them plastered right next to my bed so they bring me sweet dreams
Anyways, I hope you get this man, IM me back,
Just to chat or maybe cam your one & only
This is Doley

{Chorus}
Gee makes fun of me so I wonder why I..
get out of bed at all
I check my phone every 11 seconds..
But no one ever calls
And even if they did, it would only be my mom,
but TJs pictures on my wall
reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Dear Tommy, you still ain't called or written, I hope you do when you get a chance
I ain't mad - I just want to get in your pants
If you didn't wanna talk to me after the tournament
you didn't have to, but dont tell me you love me if you dont mean it dude
That's my one and only gripe, Ive wanted you since I was 16-years-old
I even waited in the blistering cold,
5 days, four hours, 32 minutes and you just said, "No."
That's not very nice man - you're like my freakin idol
I want to be just like you man, I like you more than female crotch Its true I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein misled
Remember when we met in Rockford? That night I wet the bed.
I can relate to what you're doin on tour man
I practice everyday at the lanes or in my room with soda cans
One day I swear Ill be there right next to you dude
Ill do anything you want, Ill even chew your leftover food
Id follow you around at every tournament, wouldnt that be super?
Next Monday Im getting a tattoo of your name across my pooper
Sometimes I even cut myself when you dont make the show
I hate Walter Ray, he can kneel down & blow
I respect you cause youre so awesomely amazing in my eyes
No one else on tour has anything on you, to heck with them guys
No one else knows you like I know you Tommy, no one does
They don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll never lose
Sincerely your only, Doley
P.S. - Wanna know about the 8 pin I stoned to miss a cut dude?

{Chorus}
Gee makes fun of me so I wonder why I..
get out of bed at all
I check my phone every 11 seconds..
But no one ever calls
And even if they did, it would only be my mom,
but TJs pictures on my wall
reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..

Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-Doley,
this'll be the last myspace comment I ever send you, *******!
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two comments bro;
I checked your myspace & it said you logged in 13 minutes ago
So this is my last message Im sending you for a bit
Im gonna go play some Playstation II or drink soda till I get sick
Hey Tommy, I just drank my fifth sprite in a row, hows that for pride?
You know that movie, "The Notebook?"
Its about:
an old man reading a story to an old woman in a nursing home. The story he reads follows two young lovers named Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun, who meet one evening at a carnival. But they are separated by Allie's parents who dissaprove of Noah's unwealthy family, and move Allie away. After waiting for Noah to write her for several years, Allie meets and gets engaged to a handsome young soldier named Lon. Allie, then, with her love for Noah still alive, stops by Noah's 200-year-old home that he restored for her, "to see if he's okay". It is evident that they still have feelings for each other, and Allie has to choose between her fiancé and her first love.
I hope you like that detailed plot summary, I took all that from Internet Movie Database
Thats my favorite movie of all time & I always think what would Allie look like with your face?
Now it's too late - I'm out of sprite dude, and Im still a little thirsty
and all I wanted was a lousy letter, a phone call, or some photographs of you bein dirty
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off my wall
I love you TJ, we coulda been together, think about it all
You ruined it now, I hope you dont make the cuts anymore and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope Ebonite drops you and you can't cant bowl anymore cause youre throwin some gay sh!t
Well, gotta go, its almost 10:30pm and Im feelin sleepy
I got class in the morning and Im hurt deeply
So do me a favor next time your getting ready to take a shot
Think about my letters & do a Machuggah flop
Tommy Jones I hope you dont win anymore
Oh & by the way Next season, Im rootin for Nathan Bohr


{Chorus}
Gee makes fun of me so I wonder why I..
get out of bed at all
I check my phone every 11 seconds..
But no one ever calls
And even if they did, it would only be my mom,
but TJs pictures on my wall
reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad..


[Tommy Jones]
Dear Doley, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said you been to JOG, dont give up, that tournament isnt easy
Look, I'm really flattered you worship me like you do
and here's an autographed ball I had done up just for you,
I wrote it on my old Predator I hope thats coo
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the tournaments, Sometimes the atmosphere feels like a zoo
So don't think I avoided you intentionally, I like all my fans, I really do
But what's this crap you said about you like to cut yourself dude?
I say thats just messed up and you should probably get some meds to chill your moods
c'mon - how messed up are you?
You got some issues Doley, I think you need some counseling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this about us meant to be together?
I checked your myspace, your chick is hot, why dont you just bang her?
If you dont want her, send her my way
Maybe shes annoyed with how your ass is actin so gay
Maybe next time Im in Rockford we can hang out
But if you try touchin me, Ill crack a bottle over your snout
I cant help it more people love me over you
Im talented as hell, and well youre you
I got game, youre a lefty
So right there, I win automatically
And sorry to break it to you but lot of ladies think Im sexiest PBA bowler
Maybe if youd work on your hair or something you wouldnt look like Eddie Munster
Anyway I'm glad I inspire you but Dole
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
but I dont need a lover, a best friend, or a younger brother
Its cool if you come to see me and say whats up
But if I see bulging in your pants, Im gonna kick you in the nuts
So try real hard and get over me man
I have a life and it doesnt include Doley, understand?
If you need a friend, myspace has plenty
Why dont you stalk Norm Duke? He seems fruity
And next time youre in the bathroom, face the mirror & take a look
Next see if you have a penis, then question yourself about liking The NoteBook
That and why the hell are you drinkin sprite by the gallon?
Too much of that youll start to look like Patrick Allen
Anyway this is getting borin, and its time to go play
Maybe Ill see you someday Doley
Im loggin outta MYSPACE now
Sincerely, TJ


-- Edited by F0RUM JESuS at 00:10, 2006-04-26

-- Edited by F0RUM JESuS at 06:46, 2007-05-15

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footpba wrote:

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Why is this funny?

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C'mon...You know it's funny...Even if it doesn't make sense...funnyness